


Hyunjin's Groupon Proposal Fail

by Weisster



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: "based on", - me whos not even american and has never seen an applebees my whole entire life, Crack, F U C K applebees!!!, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Stan - Freeform, Ugh, WE LOVE HYUNSUNG, also F U C K groupon!!, bruh it's literally a copy of it, but jisung LOVES him!!, hyunjins a poor ass comedian, jisungs a nurse!!, my biggest forté, soft hyunsung, yes this is based on hasan minhaj's groupon proposal fail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 07:56:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21490969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weisster/pseuds/Weisster
Summary: Who says yes to getting proposed at an Applebees?
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 116





	Hyunjin's Groupon Proposal Fail

For richer or poorer.

Fuck that, proposals are definitely for richer. Nobody gets down on one knee at an Applebee's and presents a diamond ring like “Hey babe, will you marry me?”. Who the fuck says yes to that? Definitely not Hyunjin.

Applebee’s, it is what it is.

So, how can he look like a baller on a budget? With regret and seething rage over the capitalistic system, he looks at [ www.groupon.com ](http://www.groupon.com/)/adventures with his hands intertwined like an anime villain. He might be thousands of dollars in debt, but goddamn, does he need to make this proposal as perfect as his dry ass wallet allows.

Jisung’s a nurse, he gets pretty nice money. Hyunjin needs to marry up in the social ladder, he can’t be stuck as a comedian who performs at sketchy bars that definitely holds an illegal prostitution ring. 

Not a while later, after he makes his purchase, fucking Visa calls him. The whole conversation goes a little something like this: 

“Hey, is this Hang Hyurjean?”

“Yes, this is him.”

“Mr. Hyunga, someone stole your visa card and paid for a hot air balloon ride.”

“Oh no that person is me.”

“....Mr. John are you aware that you are in crippling debt?”

“...It is what it is.”

  
  


Of course, since it’s fucking Groupon, the only day available was a Wednesday... at sunrise. _Wednesday_. You know, the perfect day to propose to your significant other. So, at 2:59 am he wakes up and considers canceling his plans (but decides against it because his bank account is at minus). Jisung’s sleeping soundly beside him, as he usually does — there are still a few more hours before he gotta get up and get ready for work.

God, does Hyunjin love being an annoyance.

“Babe,” He whispers hoarsely while shaking Jisung. Jisung starts to wake up, mind a little hazy from sleep, stretching his arms. “Wake up, I have a surprise for you,” Hyunjin whispers again. 

“What the hell?” Jisung asks groggily, opening his eyes slightly. “Hyunjin, it’s fucking-,” Jisung pauses, only to realise that he has no mental clock, “It’s fucking morning!” Hyunjin purposefully hid their alarm clock so that Jisung wouldn’t see the big red numbers and starts throwing a tantrum.

“That it is,” He confirms cryptically with a nod. That seems to wake Jisung more because now he’s turning his whole body so he’s facing Hyunjin completely.

“I have work!” 

“Well so do I!” Is his lame comeback.

That calms Jisung down a little bit. Score. “Did you get another bar gig? When’s that?” 

“Yes?” he winces. Here Jisung was, being an angel and supporting Hyunjin even after Hyunjin just disturbed his beauty sleep, he deserves an award for putting up with him. “But that’s not relevant, we’re gonna get up, and get inside the car, right now,” He says, standing up. Jisung’s protests are shushed while Hyunjin drags him up into a sitting position. He takes a pair of socks and a cardigan from the closet and puts them on Jisung.

“Where are we going?” He whines, kicking with his feet —Hyunjin has to hold them still so he can properly adjust his socks and then stands up, “You’re actually serious about this?”

“Of course!” Hyunjin nods and takes a hold of Jisung’s hands, helping him to his feet, “Why else would I wake you up at ass o'clock?”

“Good question,” He mumbles, angling his head so Hyunjin can kiss his cheek. Which he does happily and with a loud ‘mwah’. 

They get inside the car pretty quickly. Jisung's still in his Pororo pajamas, and when he's in his pajamas he makes everything his bed — right now, it's the car seat. Hyunjin lowers Jisung's seat a little so it gets more comfortable

When they pull up in a field Jisung wakes up. “Are you gonna kill me?” He asks with a slight panic, clutching his seatbelt. Hyunjin sputters in surprise,

“What? No!” Right outside, he sees the man with the hot air balloon, “He’s here!” He says and points.

“That doesn’t make me feel any better!” Jisung exclaims but his whines fall deaf to Hyunjin’s ears when he steps out of the car. Begrudgingly, Jisung does the same.

“HEY!” The guy getting the hot air balloon ready shouts, pointing at them both, “ARE YOU THE COUPLE FROM GROUPON?!”

“What’s Groupon?” Oh, thank god Jisung’s too rich for poor people vocabulary. It makes Hyunjin’s sweat glands go a bit easy on him.

“NO! SURELY YOU’RE MISTAKEN,” He shouts back and laughs nervously. 

“Any special announcements, my man? Something I can help you with?”

“No, just a casual hot air balloon ride, my man,” Hyunjin says, swatting away the man’s casual Bro Hand on his shoulder. That shit is reserved for Changbin and Changbin only. “Now why don’t you just let me up in the sky and leave me alone.” He says, making sure Jisung doesn’t hear much. 

“That’s not how hot air balloon rides work, my man!” The guy exclaims, he’s way too hyper on this goddamn Wednesday morning. Hold the phone-

“What?”

The guy leans to the side and gestures for a still sleepy Jisung to come over to them, “Ay come on, shawty! Time to get in!” He shouts. With a yawn, Jisung walks forward, still pretty puzzled while Hyunjin is trying his hardest to not pop a vein. Only _he’s_ allowed to call Jisung shawty. 

It didn’t go as Hyunjin planned at all because now all three of them are in the sky. Why the fuck is this man third-wheeling? He’s right on to them! Where’s the intimacy in the moment if he stands there too closely? There is no way Hyunjin can propose in these kind of conditions. 

But then again, when will he ever have a chance? He definitely couldn’t purchase anything for the next three oncoming months and will have to live off of Jisung’s kitchen (which is already embarrassing enough as it is). He gotta do it now, third-wheel or not. Hyunjin can just pretend he isn’t there! He has a good imagination, it’s how he has ignored the fact that his life is a complete utter failure for a good handful of years.

The engagement ring is the most expensive thing Hyunjin’s ever bought. Oh no, oh god. What if as he opens up the ring, he somehow trips and it falls down into the void of nothingness? What if a crow sees it and thinks “Oh, a shiny worm!” and decides to swoop in and take it? What if-

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jisung asks softly, putting a comforting hand on his back, “Look, it’s beautiful.” He gestures to the sky and it really was beautiful. The sun was rising and the spirit of Bob Ross was painting the sky in beautiful colors.

In the distance, they see another hot air balloon. What makes it nice is that by the looks of the two people (we’re ignoring the third wheel) on there, they’re pretty gay too. Or are they just friends? Is Hyunjin heteronormative or just realistic? Why can’t gay be the default?

The couple spots them too and starts waving, holding their intertwined hands up in the air. Oh, sweet! So they _are_ gay!

“HEY!” Hyunjin shouts, waving at the other couple. Then he gestures between him and Jisung, “WE’RE IN LOVE TOO!” It earns him an exasperated slap from Jisung but it’s worth it because he gets to hear his giggles. Ah, his giggles. One day he’s gonna be like John Mulaney and scream about his absolute love for his husband. 

The brunette man from the other hot air balloon makes some gestures and mouths something to them.

“What?” 

He does the gestures again but Hyunjin’s just as puzzled as ever. After a few seconds, Jisung lets out a gasp and slaps Hyunjin’s arm.

“I think he wants us to look down!” He suggests. They both look down and see _something_. Of course, Jisung was right, Jisung’s so smart and so dumb at the same time it turns Hyunjin on at astronomical levels.

Down on the field, a giant white blanket opens up. There, with big bold letters, it says something that makes Hyunjin’s blood run cold. 

‘CHAN WILL YOU MARRY ME?’

He looks up, feeling nauseous, and sees the curly-haired boy let out a gasp of surprise and then tackles the brown-haired boy in a romantic kiss. The third wheel puts his hand on his chest and looks like he’s about to faint out of excitement. Hyunjin, on the other hand, is about to faint out of anger.

“Oh my god, that is the most romantic thing I have ever seen in my life.” Jisung breathes out, cupping his face and then lets out a dreamy sigh, “Who would have thought of that?” _Me! Fucking Me, Jisung!_

_ GROUPON! _

When Hyunjin gets famous he will call Groupon out and never forgive them. Ever. 

The rest of the ride, Hyunjin avoids looking at the couple all together and just focuses on the love of his life, his soulmate, the shredded cheese to his diarrhea-inducing burrito (he should really stop eating that). Unconsciously his hand moves to Jisung’s and they interlock seamlessly like it’s meant to be.

_Why are you so cheesy oh my god_, his emo past-self screams in his mind.

It’s like a breath of fresh air, like a nice mint after forgetting to brush your teeth and being anxious about your smell. 

The mint effect disappears quickly when they land and are about to get back in the car.

He feels his phone buzzing and checks his notification. 

_ **Felix:** did you do it? _

Oh no. Oh, Jesus H. Christ. Oh Jay C. This is not good. Hyunjin has been literally telling everyone and their mom (vendor machine man included!) that he would be proposing to Jisung. Now people have expectations! Great! After so many years of avoiding that and it’s exactly what’s happening right now!

“Who is it?”

“Oh, just Candy Crush.” Hyunjin lies and puts the phone back in his pocket.

“You still play that game?”

9:55 and his phone is constantly buzzing against his thigh.

“Candy Crush is good don’t be fucking rude.”

Oh my god, Felix calm the fuck _down_. Hyunjin failed! Have mercy on the man will you? Actually, you know what? No, this isn’t a failure just yet. Jisung’s still not at work. He can do this!

“Hey, I got another surprise for you.”

“A what? I got work soon!”

“I promise it’ll be great!” 

Oh god, he can’t do this.

“Where are we going?”

“Uh, I’m taking you out for breakfast!” He says and avoids running into a cat he saw running on the street. At this point, he’ll go bald. Jisung must have heard the desperation in Hyunjin’s voice because he stops protesting immediately, relaxing on his seat and letting Hyunjin’s thoughts run wild.

What’s open at 10am? What the fuck is open at 10am? Oh my god, will Hyunjin really have to tell his friends that he failed? Will Jisung even say yes?

Right as he takes the closest exit he sees the big ass logo of his own dread.

_ Applebee's. _

Without thinking he swerves into the parking lot.

The love of his absolute life doesn’t seem to mind at all, “Oh! Applebees! Can we get the mozzarella sticks?” _No Jisung, my dear sweetie pie, your fingers will be crusty and oily_. But then again, wouldn’t oil make the ring slip on the finger easily? Oh god, what if it doesn’t fit and the ring’s too small-

“Yeah, yeah we can- Anything for you.” He says as he takes off his seat belt hurriedly and ignores Jisung’s worried expression.

“You’ve been so weird today,” He mutters and steps out of the car too. Hyunjin pretends he didn’t hear that and locks the car. This'll be fine! They’ll have a nice small breakfast and Hyunjin will just pray to God that Visa doesn’t open up a grave and swallows him whole when he swipes his card.

So, despite Hyunjin’s disdain of Applebee's, they sit there, at last. Jisung got his mozzarella sticks and a cup of water; Hyunjin would sneakily take a few, getting his hand slapped multiple times in the process. Is this what karma’s like? Being in an Applebees with the person you hoped to propose to? This day is looking horrible.

“I had fun today,” Jisung suddenly speaks up. Hyunjin looks up from the tissue he’s been folding relentlessly, did he just say that? “I don’t know what made you feel like doing all of that, but I had fun.” 

Hyunjin couldn’t fight the slight frown on his face. “I woke you up at ass o'clock, Princess,” he murmurs, eyes shifting back down to the tissue for a split second. Despite all this, his efforts kinda went to waste.

“I know,” Jisung’s eyes soften and a gentle smile spreads across his face, “But I was with you. So I don’t mind.” Right at that moment, all of Hyunjin’s worries and insecurities disappeared. This was Jisung he’s talking about. Jisung who looks ethereal under the sunlight; small and soft Jisung who loves him so much. There’s a reason they’re soulmates.

He feels himself tear up, the overwhelming need to kiss Jisung “Oh god, I love you.” He chokes out and leans forward over the table. Which was not the best thing to do because his fucking RING falls out of his pocket. This is what he gets for fiddling around with it so much, it got loose in the harsh grip of his pocket. 

Jisung glances down to the small black box on the floor, and Hyunjin closes his eyes in mortification. “What’s that?” He asks. Hyunjin quickly clambers off the table and takes the box, ready to tell Jisung it’s cocaine and that’s the reason he’s so broke all of the time. 

What-the fuck-ever, he’s already dragged Jisung out this early. Why not put the cherry on top and propose? With a sharp inhale he adjusts himself so he’s on one knee and opens the box oh so graciously in the middle of an Applebee’s. “Jisung, will you marry me?” He asks, feeling like a man. He doesn’t miss the way Jisung gasps softly and how his doe eyes widen ever so slightly.

“Yes!” He almost screams. Hyunjin starts laughing and his whole face hurts so much from the pure happiness he feels. He can barely get the ring onto the other’s fingers from how much Jisung’s bouncing. Immediately, when the ring is sitting right and pretty on Jisung's finger he gets tackled into a hug and a bruising kiss. 

Apparently, Jisung would say yes to a proposal at an Applebee's. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> yes the dude that stole hyunjins spotlight was woojin


End file.
